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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Member Meredith17/Female/United States Group :iconran-maofc: Ran-maoFC
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  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: Maroon 5 ~ This Love
  • Reading: forensics homework
  • Eating: Almond Joys
So, as you all know, my boyfriend Seth and I are taking a break in our relationship. Seth seems to need it, as relationships are hard for him and can become tiring and stressful. I decided on the day that we started the break to finally text him on November 5th (a month from that day) - I have a text written out and saved in the Notes of my iPhone.

I have exactly a 50/50 chance of Seth wanting for us to stay together or break up. The break hasn't been fun. I've felt like I can't move forward or back. I thought if we broke up, it would really hurt me. But now I know it would hurt Seth too. It seemed so hard for him to tell me he needed a break and he's really sad about the break too. I'm his first girlfriend and possibly his first love.

But he isn't my first love. I've been in love before and I really don't know if I even love Seth. I really care about him, I feel a strong affection for and attachment to him, and I miss him to the point that I cried almost every day since we started the break, but it doesn't feel like love. I might never know if I've ever loved him. Now that I'm on a break and I've had some time to think, I realized multiple things that were wrong with our relationship. When I was with Seth, every time I was away from him I would question our relationship. I'd be like, "Do I really want this?" "Do I really want to be with him?" "Do I want to break up?" Then every time I saw Seth I'd think I was so wrong for thinking that way and just push it all aside. But now that I haven't seen him for a while, I have to face these questions. Though I have feelings for him and have really enjoyed our relationship, I have a considerable amount of dissatisfaction (note me if you're really, really itching to know what specifically it is).

So I'm feeling like it just isn't right. I feel like Seth isn't the right one for me. I think I actually might want to break up with him. Doing it over text would be the lowest thing to do, but if I did it in person...I wouldn't want to witness his hurt feelings or broken heart, or for him to possibly lash out at me. I would feel guilty to hurt him, but I think I would be relieved to break up and move on.

I'm telling myself now, and I have been telling myself, that I should really set my standards higher when it comes to what kind of guy I find attractive and want to be with. I'm not a stickler for appearances, but I like a guy who's cute and preferably has brown or black hair. I like for a guy to be a few years older than me because I just find it attractive and because they're likely to be more mature. Most importantly, I want a kind, considerate, selfless, accepting, respectful guy.

Contrary to popular belief, high school is not the beginning and end of romantic relationships. I saw a YouTube comment in which someone said that he had met all of his girlfriends in college, including the one who became his wife. My mom told me that college is actually when lasting romantic relationships start.

Some people insist that you can still stay friends with your ex. Some other people say you should cut all ties with them. I was thinking at first, How would I be able to stay friends with Seth without wishing he was my boyfriend? That may not be a problem now, but if we break up, I might want to cut all ties with him so he doesn't interfere with future relationships I have.

Also, I think I've been a good girlfriend, but I have a few things to work on myself that I'm kind of beating myself up for. Note me if you think you could help.

:rose: This has been StrongButGentle :icontea-plz:
*Heaven's P.O.V.*


Tonight was the night.

Zephyr and I couldn't wait to get out the door, but just before we left, I decided to do my makeup in a smoky eye for the occasion. I thought it looked pretty good...actually, I thought it looked hardcore and kind of sexy. I smiled in the mirror.

We drove there when it was already dark out. I always noticed the city looked so cool at night with all the lights on and the flashing colors of headlights, signs, and billboards. The streets were filled with cars, most of them probably to the My Chemical Romance concert, and people walked down the sidewalks, as if it were still daytime. It just looked so busy and exciting. Zephyr was blasting "Famous Last Words" in the car and already we were having fun.

When we arrived at the concert, we walked in to a dark room filled with screaming and thrashing fans, waving glow sticks. In the back there was a stand where t-shirts and other merchandise of the band were being sold, and a bar. Zephyr and I took our seats in the middle. The stage lights glowed in the front of the room, filling me with anticipation. Being at this fantastic and once-in-a-lifetime event with my brother, surrounded by zealous fans, sharing in their thrill...it felt so exhilarating and fulfilling.

Then My Chemical Romance took the stage.

We all screamed at the top of our lungs. This was when the crowd really seemed to come to life. The song was so full of passion and emotion and intensity, it was infectious on everyone. The sound of My Chemical Romance and the roar the crowd seemed to blend together, as if the band had become one with the fans just by our mutual ardor of music and power of emotion. We were forgetting all our cares, as if we were lost in time. The music was everywhere, surrounding and consuming all of us, so that time and space seemed to dissolve and it was just the music around us.

But moments later, though was faint because of the music, from the bar, I could swear I heard the shot of a gun.

Several heads turned. It had come from the bar. Seconds later, their heads turned back to the stage, absorbed in the music. But I couldn't. I was now deaf to the music, out of the zone. Someone needed help. I could feel it.

I turned to Zephyr. "I'll be right back." Then I hurried away before he could say anything.

I shoved through the crowd, trying to get to the bar as fast as I could. When I finally got there, I looked around frantically, then found who it was. A young man, about six feet tall, with dark hair and olive skin. He was cringing and clutching his side, where blood was pooling. I approached him, and he raised his head a bit to see me. When I saw his face, and looked in his deep brown eyes, I knew instantly it was Dante Sorrentino.

Time stood still in that moment.

"Some drunk man shot me. Help me, ragazza. Please. Help me," he gasped, in an Italian accent.

"Relax, I will," I promised, meaning it. I took off my sweater and pressed it onto Dante's wound, then put my arm around him, supporting him. It was mostly dark other than the stage lights and the building was packed with people. It seemed that most of them hadn't even noticed that Dante was shot at. Everyone had turned their heads back to the stage after the gun went off, anyways.
Everyone but me.

I pushed through the vast crowd, murmuring "Excuse me" over and over again, until after what felt like a endless trek, we reached the doors. I pushed on the cold silver handle, shoving the door open and pulling Dante outside with me. It was significantly quieter. Security didn't seem to notice us, probably because Dante's head was lowered. I kept walking forward, intent on reaching the hotel and tending to Dante's wound there. I prayed hard that I would make it there soon enough. I didn't want Dante to die.

It was a bit cold outside, especially without my sweater on, as it was already a little past nightfall. It worried me a bit to be walking outside at night alone except for a man bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound. He was even more vulnerable than I was. But at least there were many street lights and the hotel was only a few blocks away.

Dante moaned in agony a few times.

"It's alright," I said softly. "We're almost there."

When we finally arrived, I took him inside and up the stairs to my room as quickly as I could. I laid him down on my bed and gasped loudly. There was a lot of blood. I lifted his shirt and examined the wound. It was at his side, by his ribs. I felt his chest and his back, but didn't find a bullet hole. The bullet must have only grazed him.

"It's ok," I told him, breathing a sigh of relief. "The bullet only grazed you. You're going to be ok."

He seemed to calm down.

I ran to the bathroom for a first aid kit, then set it on the other bed and opened it. There were bandages and an endless amount of gauze, among other things. I took out the gauze first, placed some over the wound, and pressed both my hands on it, applying pressure for a few minutes.

My phone buzzed.

A text from Zephyr read, Where are you???

I texted back with one hand, Back at the hotel. I went to bed early cus I don't feel well.

It felt like eternity, but once the bleeding stopped, I took a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and soaked the wound. Dante cringed at the sting.

"It's ok," I said, and gently touched his forehead, which was now beaded with sweat. I have to say...he looked pretty attractive with his damp black hair and the soft lighting of the bedside lamp on him.

I placed my hands on the wound again to try and lessen the sting. Then I took a tube of triple antibiotic, applied a thin layer to the wound, and bandaged it with gauze and a square of tape.

"Grazie," Dante sighed. "Thank you...so much."

"You're welcome," I replied, my breath shaky. "You shouldn't move too much for a little while so...you can stay for the night."

"No, I couldn't --" Dante started to protest, but I cut him off.

"I'm the only other one in this room. I came to the concert with my brother, but he's in a different room. You need to rest here until the wound closes and heals." I knelt at his bedside and touched his arm. "I won't call the police, I promise."

He was silent for a moment. "You have a kind heart, ragazza."

I smiled. "Thanks. My name is Heaven, by the way. Heaven Tessier."

I looked at him and it dawned on me that...he was stunningly attractive. His hair was such a deep, lush black and looked shiny and sleek. The lamp cast a warm glow on his light olive skin. I was sure he was in his twenties but he had such a captivating youthfulness and handsomeness.

Perhaps it was just gratitude, but for someone so dangerous...he was being so gentle toward me. Even so...I felt something blossom inside of me. I found myself staring at him as if in a reverie, unable to tear my eyes away. I was intrigued by him, like I wanted to know him. It was a mysterious feeling. I've had crushes before, but I had never felt this way before.

Eventually I climbed back onto my bed. "You just rest for now."

"Sí. Buonanotte."

"Good night."

~

I woke up the next morning, rubbed my eyes, and rolled over...to find Dante missing.

The bright morning sun shone on the bed he had occupied last night, which was now empty.

I laid there for a moment, staring at it, stunned. How could he be gone? Where was he? Was he ok?

Frantic and truly panicking for his safety, I raised myself to one elbow...then heard something crackle under my pillow.

I lifted my pillow to find a slip of slightly crumpled paper. I took it and saw that it said DANTE SORRENTINO with a phone number.

I felt overwhelming relief...and a surge of joy. I remembered how I had felt last night, how I felt a kind of attachment to him, like I wanted to know him. I felt a warmth spread through my chest, as if through my heart.

But then it hit me...could I stay in contact with a known violent criminal?

I looked at the slip of paper in my hand, that had his name and number written in blue ink on it. I held it and stared at it as if it were a precious belonging from a dead relative.

I reached for my phone and added Dante's number.
  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: Maroon 5 ~ This Love
  • Reading: forensics homework
  • Eating: Almond Joys
So, as you all know, my boyfriend Seth and I are taking a break in our relationship. Seth seems to need it, as relationships are hard for him and can become tiring and stressful. I decided on the day that we started the break to finally text him on November 5th (a month from that day) - I have a text written out and saved in the Notes of my iPhone.

I have exactly a 50/50 chance of Seth wanting for us to stay together or break up. The break hasn't been fun. I've felt like I can't move forward or back. I thought if we broke up, it would really hurt me. But now I know it would hurt Seth too. It seemed so hard for him to tell me he needed a break and he's really sad about the break too. I'm his first girlfriend and possibly his first love.

But he isn't my first love. I've been in love before and I really don't know if I even love Seth. I really care about him, I feel a strong affection for and attachment to him, and I miss him to the point that I cried almost every day since we started the break, but it doesn't feel like love. I might never know if I've ever loved him. Now that I'm on a break and I've had some time to think, I realized multiple things that were wrong with our relationship. When I was with Seth, every time I was away from him I would question our relationship. I'd be like, "Do I really want this?" "Do I really want to be with him?" "Do I want to break up?" Then every time I saw Seth I'd think I was so wrong for thinking that way and just push it all aside. But now that I haven't seen him for a while, I have to face these questions. Though I have feelings for him and have really enjoyed our relationship, I have a considerable amount of dissatisfaction (note me if you're really, really itching to know what specifically it is).

So I'm feeling like it just isn't right. I feel like Seth isn't the right one for me. I think I actually might want to break up with him. Doing it over text would be the lowest thing to do, but if I did it in person...I wouldn't want to witness his hurt feelings or broken heart, or for him to possibly lash out at me. I would feel guilty to hurt him, but I think I would be relieved to break up and move on.

I'm telling myself now, and I have been telling myself, that I should really set my standards higher when it comes to what kind of guy I find attractive and want to be with. I'm not a stickler for appearances, but I like a guy who's cute and preferably has brown or black hair. I like for a guy to be a few years older than me because I just find it attractive and because they're likely to be more mature. Most importantly, I want a kind, considerate, selfless, accepting, respectful guy.

Contrary to popular belief, high school is not the beginning and end of romantic relationships. I saw a YouTube comment in which someone said that he had met all of his girlfriends in college, including the one who became his wife. My mom told me that college is actually when lasting romantic relationships start.

Some people insist that you can still stay friends with your ex. Some other people say you should cut all ties with them. I was thinking at first, How would I be able to stay friends with Seth without wishing he was my boyfriend? That may not be a problem now, but if we break up, I might want to cut all ties with him so he doesn't interfere with future relationships I have.

Also, I think I've been a good girlfriend, but I have a few things to work on myself that I'm kind of beating myself up for. Note me if you think you could help.

:rose: This has been StrongButGentle :icontea-plz:

deviantID

StrongButGentle
Meredith
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
I'm a dreamer and an artist just like all of you . . .
:iconroselb-5::iconroselb-5::iconroselb-1::iconroselb-2::iconroselb-3::iconroselb-4::iconroselb-5:

I have been drawing since I was six years old. I didn't think much of my drawings, but my classmates were stunned by them. I drew a pair of pink Converse sneakers when I was nine years old, and my mom was so amazed she got me to sign it and made copies of it to everyone she knew. Then she consigned me to a ton of art courses in drawing, painting, and a little of ceramics at Attleboro Art Museum in Rhode Island.
Art is a natural talent and a gift. Sports have different seasons, school ends eventually, but art stays with you forever.
To me, music and art are the most beautiful and compelling forms of self-expression and catharsis. Art is the breath of life in me; it is my passion, my joy, and my sanctuary. I draw and write whenever I feel the pull - I have much more time in the summer, but despite school, workload, and stress, I draw and write in between. I also sometimes devote half a night or a whole night to staying up to draw or write.

I mostly do photography, anime art, fan art, realistic drawings, and literature. I have over 400 art pieces, I am the founder of Ran-maoFC and I update my journal entry every few days to weekly :)

:iconflowerdropplz:

J u s t B r e a t h e ・・・
(¯`v´¯)copy and paste this
.`·.¸.·´ if you truly
¸.·´.·´¨) ¸.·¨) love and adore
(¸.·´(¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`☆ somebody

-----------Post this on your
---██--- page
█████ if you're
---██--- not embarrased
---██--- to tell
---██--- others that
---██--- you're a Christian :iconclingtothecrossplz:
Love by Joey-art Jesus Stamp by SuperSonicGirl79135 Not ashamed to be Christian by sugarpoultry Real Christians.. by shebid Christianity =/= Homophobia Stamp by AlfaFilly :Gay Rights: by Minty-Hippo Christian anime - manga stamp by SailorSolar Christian Pumpkin by marshmellowbrains I love Christian Rock Stamp by RoxasRavenswood Support Human Rights by elicoronel16 -Stamp- Anti-WBC by DeadlyHonest :iconirefusestamp1plz::iconirefusestamp2plz: Anti-Justin Bieber stamp by crazylaura64 Rape Isn't Funny by alaska-is-a-husky Artist Working Stamp by Mirz123 A Writer Writes... Stamp by Mirz123 Love Autumn Stamp by Mirz123 Stand Up - Stand Alone Stamp by Mirz123 I Hate Mondays Stamp by Mirz123 I Love Weekends Stamp by Mirz123 Definition of Feminism Stamp by Worldincoffee Bee Good Stamp by Mirz123 Real Friends Stamp by Mirz123 Sense of Humor Stamp by Spikytastic rape is not sexy by missveryvery .:I Have Hope:. by ArtisnotanAccident Akito Sohma Fan Stamp by Acireia Kuroshitsuji Fan by The-Art-Godess Zelgadis Stamp by Xilia Shigure x Akito by Gilligan-Stamps Kyoko x Sayaka Stamp by Abridgenator kaorin X sakaki stamp by MangarenoDaioh I Support Yuri by nechama7 I can be female and hate yaoi by prismpower23 APH: Anti USUK by ChokorettoMilku Caffeine Stamp by pixelworlds Maximum Ride Max -Stamp- by Katttty920 Maximum Ride Fang -Stamp- by Katttty920 Maximum Ride Iggy -Stamp- by Katttty920 Maximum Ride Nudge -Stamp- by Katttty920 Maximum Ride Gazzy -Stamp- by Katttty920 Maximum Ride Angel -Stamp- by Katttty920 mainstream sucks by luckylinx Anti-500 Internal Server Errors Stamp by Hunter-Arkaman :STAMP: Grammar Nazi by MoonstalkerWerewolf Anti-CISPA Stamp by Hunter-Arkaman No Drama Stamp 3 by StampsbyJen Metal Is Misunderstood by OkdroMasterOfRunes Ghost Adventures by phoenixtsukino I'm House's fan stamp by ladyironia Female Metal Fronted by raimundogiffuni Epica stamp by GuardianOfShigeru Simone Simons Stamp by surunkeiju dArama Llamas Plea by Ikue Stamp: Self-Injury Awareness 2 by OtterAndTerrier Literature IS Art by FANGIE-CHAN Puppy stamp by sallycantwait Huddy Stamp by sugarpoultry I Love Tarja and Anette Stamp by MarcoLover Stamp - I Draw in My Style by Mina-Foxkey-Star Brony Stamp by JFG107-Stamps Stop making duck face by Eitvys200 Jack Sparrow Stamp 3 by RogueLottie Shiny Stamp by blackdahlia Tea Makes Everything Better by delusional-dreams Say No To Trolls Stamp by oOLadyLuckOo Your Light by ashesto Our Scars Remind Us... by EmmaL27
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:iconladyjudina:
ladyjudina Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014
Love by DigithalieThank you very much for the +fav Love by DigithalieClarice by KmyGraphicHave a nice week!
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:iconstrongbutgentle:
StrongButGentle Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome, thank you for the :+fav:! :D
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:icon8bitisawesome:
8bitisawesome Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014
Thanks for faving the Latte shot. :heart:
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:iconstrongbutgentle:
StrongButGentle Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome :D It was cool :aww:
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:icon8bitisawesome:
8bitisawesome Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014
Thanks again for faving, I really appreciate your support, glad you like my pics. :)
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:iconstrongbutgentle:
StrongButGentle Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome :D
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(1 Reply)
:icon8bitisawesome:
8bitisawesome Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014
Thanks. Just  a spontaneous shot. I didn't make the design btw, just took the pic.
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:icontssocm:
TSSOCM Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you for the Watch!!!

~Lash
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:iconstrongbutgentle:
StrongButGentle Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome, thank you for the watch!! :D
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:iconmoodyblue:
MoodyBlue Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thx lovely Meredith! :+fav: moodyblue.deviantart.com/art/A… :rose:
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